Third Thursday Short

A catch up post from April

Hello gentle readers. After Saturday’s rant, I thought I’d take a bit and give you something a little quieter and happier. Today’s Third Thursday Short is an experiment in characterization and dialogue. I challenged myself to write a story that was just dialogue, hopefully providing enough in each character to come through in just their speech. This is just a tiny little scene, three characters, that I entered into a flash fic contest a couple of years ago.

The Proposal

“John! Did you get it? Can I see?”

“Of course I got it, Becca. And no, you can’t. Tommy’s gonna see it first. Eat your salad.”

“Ugh, the salads are terrible here. Come on. Let me see.”

“What do you expect? It’s a corporate cafeteria. And no, Becca.”

“But you have terrible taste. Take some sisterly advice and let me see.”

“Brat.”

“I’m serious. The only good taste you’ve ever had is falling for Tommy. But otherwise…”

“Fine. Here.”

“Oh.”

“I should have gotten a ring, shouldn’t I? Or is it too plain? I shoulda saved up more.”

“What? No. It’s beautiful. And he wouldn’t be able to wear a ring in his workshop anyway.”

“It’s just a dumb gold chain.”

“John.”

“No, seriously, Becca. He’s a certified genius. He’d built and sold three companies by the time he was 25. I didn’t even graduate college till I was 27.”

“Hey, stop talking about my brother that way! You were a little busy, oh I don’t know, fighting for your country. Give yourself some credit. You own your own business too. Have you thought how you’ll ask him?”

“Dinner? Or is that too overdone?”

“As long as it’s an actual dinner out, suits and everything, and not a ‘Netflix and chill’ thing.”

“This is going to go so badly. He’ll never say yes.”

“Not if you don’t ask. Come over tonight, we can talk outfits.”

“Oh no. I’m not going to be primped and prepped by my baby sister.”

“Come on, you wouldn’t go to a job interview in sweats, would you?”

“No, Becca”

“Fine. Ask Tommy just as you are, then.”

“Ask me what?”

“Tommy!”

“And that would be my cue. Bye John. See you tonight.”

“Bye Becca. No, you won’t.”

“Very interesting. What was that about?”

“Nothing.”

“You know, you have a truly awful poker face. It was definitely something.”

“No, really. Just Becca giving me a hard time. How’s your day been?”

“So busy. I wanna go back to regular people hours.”

“Working all night and getting up at 3pm?”

“Shut up. I hate being a grown up. Don’t think I don’t see you sneaking that box off the table mister. What is it?”

“Nothing. Stop jumping, you idiot, you’ll hurt yourself!”

“Don’t hold it over your head, then! What are we, five? Ha! Victory is mine!”

“Jesus, be careful.”

“What do we have here? Oh.”

“Tommy…”

“It’s beautiful, John. Someone’s gonna be real lucky.”

“Someone? It’s for you, you doofus.”

“It is? Well, of course it is. People give me presents all the time. Jewelry, well, that might be a little different, but, no, no, I like it. Stop trying to take it back, it’s mine!”

“Tommy!”

“No. Mine! Back off! Back! Security! Right, you’re my security. I’d like to report an attempted theft. Stop laughing, we have a serious jewelry thief here. Totally serious. Stop smiling.”

“Tommy.”

“Yes, John?”

“Willyoumarryme?”

Tell me, did I do a good job?

I challenge you, gentle readers, to write me a scene. I’d love to see your work!